Backpacking across Europe solo, monoglot. Help me translate these idiomatic phrases that I'd use, but which aren't in any guidebook [French, German, Swedish]

I plan to print these on a pack of small index cards.

Explaining my odd behaviors: (I'm have Aspergers' Syndrome, mild autism, but that's not usually something you lead with...)

• "Well, they think I'm crazy in America, too."


• "I'm just born a little nerdy."


• "It's not just the language barrier. I have trouble understanding body language. It's a nerd thing."


• "It's okay. People tell me I don't make a whole lot of sense in English, either."

The Language Barrier:

• "I can't understand a word you're saying, but it sounds lovely."


• "I took German (language) as a student for two years. Failed both times."


• "I speak German better than I do French, and I failed German class. Twice."


• "I speak German better than I do Swedish and I failed German class. Twice."

Needs:

• "Do you know where I can find a place to use a computer?"


• "Where can I charge my phone/tablet?"


• "Where can I find WiFi?


• "I need to skype my Mom. She worries too much."

Explaining what I do for a living:

• "I'm an activist. I write, make videos, and do some web design. We fight corruption in American politics. We have a problem with a type of bribery that's completely legal, but still destructive. I help fight it."


• "The job is high stress, and my boss told me to take a vacation before election season."


• "It's good to be taking a break from my job."


• "I am a secret agent. No, wait! Forget I said that!"

Smalltalk:

• "I don't know what you guys are doing, but it looks fun. Mind if I join you for a while?"


• "I can give you my e-mail if you want to stay in touch, and we can use Google Translate"


• "What is your dog's name?"


• "I'm looking for just enough adventure to worry Mom, but not so much as to worry Dad."

Photography:

• "Would you mind if I took your photograph?"


• "My mother is a worrier. Would you take a picture with me to make fun of her?"


• "Is it permitted to climb that [noun] to take a picture?"


• "May I lie down on the floor/the ground to take a picture?"


• "When the tourists take pictures, where do they never think to stand?"


• "Do you know where I can buy an SD card?"


• "Would you take a selfie with me?"

Flirting:

• "You are very cute, and if I was younger, spoke the language better, and much, much braver, I would ask you for a kiss."


• "I'm here for wine, women, and song. So far, I have found the wine and the song, and I am optimistic."


• "Teach me how to dance?"


• "Would you take a selfie with me?"